Jinx
November 12th, 2003

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I've got this theory that, when really closely examined, relates probably more to my respect for the karmic forces of the universe than any kind of witchcraft or luck, which the word jinx seems to be related to;

jinx ( P ) Pronunciation Key (jngks)
n.
A person or thing that is believed to bring bad luck.
A condition or period of bad luck that appears to have been caused by a specific person or thing.

tr.v. jinxed, jinx·ing, jinx·es
To bring bad luck to.

[Possibly from jynx, wryneck (from its use in witchcraft), from Latin iynx, from Greek iunx, perhaps from iuzein, to call, cry.]

In the interest of simplicity, I won't subject you here to a rhetorical discussion of my views on Buddhism, and the actual underlying causes a jinx might be related to, I'll simply give you the example of a jinx that I brought on to myself, so that you might examine the events, formulate your own opinions, and adjust any risky behavior of your own.

One of my wife's friends was having a party for someone's birthday, or baby shower, or possibly one of these naughty but nice parties with the edible underwear and multiple speed vibrating female companions, I can't remember which.

While slicing and dicing vegetables, my wife's friend cut her hand pretty badly, and ended up having to go to the hospital for stitches to stop the bleeding. 

For no good reason other than to amuse myself, I decided that it would be funny to start calling her "Lefty Clemons" (name changed to protect the innocent), and giggled my ass off every time her name was brought up in conversation and I had the chance to correct people with the "Lefty" moniker. 

Just good, clean fun, right?

WRONG.

Jinx.

I should start by telling you that I'm pretty into the upkeep on the grounds of the Vista manor, so I like to take care of most of it myself.  There's nothing worse than a bush that's out of control, you know? Proper grooming just shows that your bush is important to you, and that you're willing to go the extra mile to be sure that your bush reflects your commitment to the enjoyment of all of its admirers, as far as I'm concerned.

Not a month after the now infamous "Lefty Clemons" event, I'm trimming the hedges in front of my house with one of those big electric clippers that has the bar full of teeth, sharpened on both sides, which moves back and forth over another set of stationary teeth below.

Since, as I mentioned, I'm very concerned with making sure that the bushes which fall under my jurisdiction are properly maintained, I bought a pretty decent set of these clippers that will go through just about anything, and that you can lock in the "on" position so that you don't have to give yourself carpel tunnel to keep your favorite patch under control. 

My previous set of clippers didn't have this lock "on" feature, so every time I had to move the electric cord out of the way, I was forced to take my hand off the trigger, and the clipper would stop. 

Had I been minding my own business, and not made a point out of using Lefty's (it's OK here because, I'm just using Lefty as a way to protect her identity) misfortune for my own comedic purposes everything would have been fine.

The fact of the matter is that I stuck my finger into this fucking thing and mangled the shit out of it. It looked like a hot dog that ha exploded in the microwave.

I had to get nine stitches in the tip of the finger, just below the nail. And it fucking hurt. ALOT.

The fact that it was my middle finger should remove any lingering doubts as to the relationship between the indiscretion shown by me and the finger whacking in the bush.

 It was almost as though fate was flipping me off for my insensitivity in a time when I should have felt compassion for someone who was only trying to earn a little extra money for her family through  discrete vibrating panty sales.

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Bob Dylan lyric of the day:
Someone's got it in for me, they're planting stories in the press
Whoever it is I wish they'd cut it out quick, but when they will I can only guess.
They say I shot a man named Gray and took his wife to Italy,
She inherited a million bucks and when she died it came to me.
I can't help it if I'm lucky.

Today's Gas Mileage:
25.6 MPG

Best Weather Descriptor:
Windy

Best Song Heard Today:
Hash Pipe, Weezer

Favorite Quote Heard Today:
"I'm a slippery bridge, if you get to know me", Ray Lexington

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